


Cerulean Dismal

by I_dream_of_dragons



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-13 01:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_dream_of_dragons/pseuds/I_dream_of_dragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the broken city of New York, Loki has a brief moment clarity. Before it slips away again, and he is left to watch behind cerulean blue eyes.<br/>Completed work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i do not own the avengers  
> This story is made for my cat, who will forever be in my heart and missed dearly.

** chapter 1 Awakening.**

New York.

A city that was crumbling down, torn apart by the ruthless Chitauri who only know how to destroy and hurt. Only moments ago the portal was opened, and all hope had seemed to vanish from Midgard's population as  _they_  streamed out. People ran away in panic trying to hide from this seemingly unstoppable invasion. The Chitauri had driven humans in corners, herding them like animals, slaughtering those who were foolish enough to dare an escape.

He watched and he knew that all hope was lost here for the Midgardians. In the end there would be nothing left to save or to care for; these weak people would all die and bathe in the despair he felt right now.

He was conscious about what was happening around him, and he watched it with a bitter taste in his mouth. Only moments before he experienced a short moment of lucid awareness, caused by his brother who still tried his utmost best to convince him of the good he had inside. Loki spoke words of his own, words of warning towards his sibling.

But control slipped away from him with a quick motion, and his brother was stabbed. Not by him, but by whatever had control behind his vicious blue eyes. His lips moved beyond his own will now, and he was aware of every dreaded syllable that came from them.

"Send the rest!"

It was as if his body reacted to the unwillingness of his thoughts. And if anybody was around to take notice of this, they would have seen a bitter conflicting sadness on his face. There were no options left but to ride it out and let them conquer; the Other would know soon enough that he was capable of coherent thoughts again. It would deem him unfit to be of further purpose for them; it would mean failure and execution.

He only wished in vain now for a slight chance, an opening, something, and anything that could mean his brother would have an opportunity to survive. And he prayed that his brother would not stand up and be a brave fool, for that would by all probability mean that any chance would be stomped into the ground viciously.

Wave after wave of reinforcements stormed out the portal, and the battle raged on beneath his feet. The small victory that the humans held was blown away by the sheer amount of new enemies. And more lay waiting amidst the stars, just beyond the blue boundaries of the portal. Even if they gave it their all it would never be enough.

The air around him grew dense and chilled, raising the hairs and his arm. His hand clutched the sceptre, and a shiver ran along his spine. He had no choice but to obey, as the Other called him.

"Loki."


	2. lucid dream

The Other held no physical authority on Midgard, so the only way for him to harm a person was to get them into his domain. Your feet could be standing on the earth, but if he had a connection to you he would draw out your entire being and summon it to his domain. Leaving your body in a state of shock at the temporary loss of its essence.

This is what was happening to Loki right now, beckoned by a voice he had no intention of listening to anymore.

"Loki."

In the past it had never really hurt him when he was called like this. But then again he always had reacted more or less willingly to a summon made by the Other, he never had a choice before. Right now he struggled and tried to resist the dark pull of the voice calling him out, but it mattered not. His weakened mental state was too drained of stamina to make a noteworthy difference. Yet he defied this hold even if every twist and tug meant that he would feel a certain amount of pain. Something akin to the sensation of being stung repeatedly every time he moved.

Inch by terrible inch, the air grew denser and thicker making it hard for him to breath. His surroundings became darker, and the crumbling buildings and battle torn cityscape made way for a different vision. A rock filled desolate landscape, the sky nothing but a distant empty void. Now that he thought about it, this place might have been a planet not so different from Midgard once.

His new surroundings sharpened becoming more clear, becoming real. And he heard a horrifying sound that was difficult to describe, a screeching tone that held no merit cutting right through your skin into your bone marrow.

The other was laughing.

"Well well."

A cut in the air surrounding him revealed that he was physically here now, with a loud smack he fell on the hardened ground. Pain ran through his body as something inside him cracked, signalling that the inevitable was going to happen now that he was here. The draining struggle had left him without energy but he still tried to get up by using his elbows.. He collected himself and managed to get off the dirty grey ground.

"You are a weakling god."

Loki felt the hot putrid breath of the other, as he was grabbed by his collar and raised from the ground. That breath held a stench unlike anything else, it could best be described as a vile, soulless stench.

"Whiteout out help you are nothing but a useless bag of flesh."

He was thrown away, and this time he welcomed the ground for it meant a certain distance between him and the other.

"You are even useless as a vessel now." The others voice was like a reptilian hiss, filled with venom.

"Meaningless to us."

Oh he knew, and Loki only wanted this to be over now. Deep down he wished he never reacted to the first time his name was called out. It was only moments after his fall from the bi-frost, while falling into oblivion it had offered him a chance. And he took it with greed, heading the warning shiver that ran through his body.

"Have your way and be rid of me, this is why I am here is it not. I know what lies in store for me." Loki said, his voice not nearly as strong as it had sounded moments ago on Midgard.

The other grinned widely, it's mouth a black pit of razor sharp teeth and hurtful words. "I promised torment, not relief. You are not worthy of dying peacefully."

The other approached him its hands reaching out for Loki's face. A sharp bony finger drew a drop of blood, as he was forced to look the other in the eye.

"Pain is not what I will give you, for it is too simple. True torment is more pure, more emotional and more devastating than any wound inflicted on your body."

Both of the others hands held his face in place now, not sparring the force applied doing so. If he was to live his visage would be darkened with bruises for weeks to come. It did hurt, but nothing prepared him for what came now.

His eyes widened and his mouth opened in a silent scream, as he felt a painful vile tug on his mind. Emotions invaded him flooding in and bringing down every wall he had ever put up. They were powerful and cruel, like thick needles they stayed in making festering wounds. Making him relive  _everything._

Old emotional wounds were torn open and laid bare, fresh ones were made. He saw the face of his brother crying out to him, begging him to come home. His refusal time and time again to accept simple truths, covering it up with lies until he started to believe them himself. All those moments of anger, despair and sadness of being second or last, or being nothing at all.

He truly was a loveless monster now, a thing not even worth mentioning. The other was right he did not even deserve to die. The people on Asgard had seen him as a freak, hated by them. Even now he felt their stares watching him content whit what he was enduring.

Always second, always last.

A tear single tear ran down his cheek. "Brother."

Too late now in realising he always was Thors first.

The other was laughing at him, jesting and toying with his memories. Loki, so fragile on the inside. Such a beautiful mind to lay waste upon."

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not own marvel or the avengers, just some comics books and other crap.


	3. free will

The green-eyed god endured this form of torture for what seemed like weeks, months or perhaps it was an eternity spend like that. In truth he knew that it could have been mere seconds. But to his mind it did not matter, an invasion of this level was beyond that. He clung to a hope that he would get out of here, away from this clutching grasp. But any hope he felt would be crushed the instant after it, the being in front of him, laughed like an emotionless grinning madman. Or perhaps a creature like The Other could only enjoy it for so long before boredom grew and his neck would be snapped granting him release from this. Hate was burling up inside him, a hatred aimed now towards this, this thing.

The Other felt that same heated anger towards him flowing in his direction through this mind link, and the firm hold on Loki's face was withdrawn for just an instant. The moment Loki felt the press of those cleaving claws on his face lessen he took advantage, using his quick wits. If all those emotions inside of him could fuel this filthy thing into obscene laughter and joy, than surely he could feed it other things to make it crawl away and back off.

Something akin to renewed energy filled his veins as he managed to grab The Others wrist, squeezing it as he slowly lifted it's palm from his head. The heavy stream of painful memories and emotions ended as he feeling of its sticky palms left his pale face.

"How?" The creature wailed with its hollow voice.

"HOW!?" It growled in unparalleled confusion.

Loki did not know how, he only knew that this was a good opportunity waiting to be grabbed and used by somebody worthy. Something akin to renewed energy filled his veins as he managed to grab The Others wrist, squeezing it as he slowly lifted it's palm from his head. The heavy stream of painful memories and emotions ended as he feeling of its sticky palms left his pale face.

"Never, never will I let anybody use my mind like that." Loki spat out, feeling an unparalleled anger wash over him, fuelling the pale skinned god with strength and willpower. Taking the advantage he lunged towards The Other who was trying to back off from the enraged Godling. The dark creature staggered as Loki's sudden force hit him, one quick nimble hand curling around his neck before there was any chance of avoidance.

"Loki release me, we can make a deal." The Others voice said with a begging tone, yet vile hate still shone in the deep pools that stared at Loki.

"A deal worthy of a god."

Loki grinned widely, showing a pale row of teeth as he spoke.

"The deals you make have no merit or worth to me, you are naught but an animal." Regained strength gave the beautiful unbroken man courage to unveil the cerulean hue of his true heritage. The blue colour was gorgeous and vicious as it crept over the changing skin, swirls and markings in complimenting shades appeared as the bright green of his eyes faded into bloody red.

A deep frozen hand was lifted and put against the chest of The Other. There was no frantic beating heart underneath its shell, no life running inside this moving body.

"What are you?"

The filthy squirming thing beneath his hands answered with a crazy tone in its voice. "You don't know. You will never know." The Other laughed as if it had finally reached madness and stepped into its arms.

"You are still so unwise, little giant."

The heat of sharp coldness was burning the skin around the others neck, frozen black specks of skin peeling of agonisingly slow. This thing was not worthy of an answer from Loki's deep zaffre coloured lips, for he only wished it gone from the present, past, and future. Loki ripped away The Other's chest piece leaving it more vulnerable to the piercing cold, is hand was placed back blackening the skin were it touched.

Slowly the cold started to bite away, edges of black skin gaining frozen white blue tips. Soon after, they peeled off and turned to dust before reaching the ground. Loki left a nothingness behind, the only evidence of the creature were a few parts of scattered rags and armour.

The Other's hold was gone and the bleak saddened landscape around him blurred and shifted, signaling his return to his body. He said his spiteful goodbyes knowing that he nor anybody else ever was to be pulled here again. Warmth crept over him, cradling him with an endearing emotion; soon he would see his brother again. And as his eyes turned back into their normal bright emerald hue, hoped slowly diminished. Would his brother still want to see him after everything that had been done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer, i do not own the avengers.
> 
> And thank you for taking the time to read my story.


	4. day dream

Clint had a clean shot at that controlling bastard Loki. He aimed with clear intent and precision to exact a sweet revenge for the way he was used. His eyes squinted and followed the movements of the god who was riding one of the alien Chitauri vehicles, ready to release a well-aimed arrow at any time. Something stopped him from releasing that fatal arrow. There was something in the face of the blue-eyed god that did not add up. A small, wet spot decorated the corner of his right eye, almost as if a single, unnoticed tear had fallen there.

Crying was not something that the vain and cruel god of mischief he knew would ever do. Showing such an emotion was unthinkable and beneath him. Loki's vehicle staggered and slowed down, almost crashing into one of the other alien contraptions flying in its vicinity. A pained expression that Clint had seen once before rose on the gods face. But instead of accepting the call of communication like he had seen Loki do before in the underground enclosed hideout, he was fighting and resisting it, or at least made an attempt to do this.

As if in shock, the body of his former "master" went limp. All life had seemingly left the god of mischief as he fell off the Chitauri vehicle down into the battle-filled streets. Only the god's eyes betrayed that the falling body was more than a lifeless thing. The unnatural, cerulean glow that flickered in those eyes did not escape Clint.

"Shit." He sat here motionless, perched on a rooftop as he dealt with this newfound knowledge while more Chitauri warriors and enormous, heavily-scaled monsters started streaming out of the portal.

"Loki's down, guys." He spoke into the com.

"Barton, is this true?" Rang the strong, confident voice of Captain America, while Tony could be heard shouting "Whoo hoo" in the background noise.

"Yes"

"Good job Barton…And probably the best news yet. Stark, do you have a new suit on already?"

"Not yet, Capsicle."

"Get a move on then, and as soon as you are done go up there with Thor and bottleneck those things. We will win this one." The com line went dead again.

Clint noticed Natasha on one of the Chitauri aircrafts going in the direction of the tower and the tesseract with urgent haste. With a pointy, well-aimed arrow he managed to take down one of her chasers. He smiled to himself. Perhaps the Captain was right and this seemingly impossible battle would be won by them.

It turns out that in the end they did, in fact, win. The portal was closed down in the nick of time. How the good Doctor Selvig had managed to install a failsafe was beyond reasoning. Perhaps the clutch the tesseract had on the man's mind had been different from the hold it used to have on his own. They all stood together in victorious unison as The Avengers, saviours of New York, a city devastated and hurt by the many losses. A city that was already crawling back up as strangers started to clear rubble blocking the streets, and kind-hearted people took care of the wounded.

Thor was, of course, the first to say it out loud, worry evident in the tall, blond god's booming voice.

"Where is my brother?"

The man deserved an answer, so Clint gave it. "Not far from here, follow me." They all followed him to the site of a crashed Chitauri vessel. "I suspect that he is under-" The sentence had no need to be finished as Thor was already clearing all the rock, metal, and glass that was laying around the crash site intent on finding his younger sibling.

"Brother, where are you?!" No sound alerted him to Loki's whereabouts and he carried on combing out the area with frightful speed, the others could only stand by and stay out of the strong Asgardians way. Under the last lifted stone was a pale hand, it hung out almost lifeless. Within seconds the rest of Loki's body was uncovered, and Thor carefully lifted his younger brother in his arms, carrying him to the open spot where the rest of them waited.

Leave it to Stark to break uncomfortable silences with rude remarks. "Is he Dead?"

Obviously Thor had not yet checked the state of his tall, younger sibling and a look of childlike sorrow spread on his face. Panic-stricken, he looked at the silent Loki laying still on the hard ground. But a relieved breath escaped him as said man's chest could be seen rising up and down, slowly but surely.

"He lives." Natasha stated calmly.

Clint Barton's thoughts raced back into time recalling the alarming event he had witnessed. He had to know if there was any truth to these thoughts.

"Thor, what is Loki's eye colour?"

A frown spread across the god's face. "For what reason do you ask, friend?"

Natasha raised a questioning eyebrow. Clint was sure that she had already figured out his reason for asking. The others, with the exception of Tony Stark, looked just as confused by this sudden question as Thor did.

"Answer the question, Pointbreak." Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose, hoping that this could not be happening.

"I do not understand the need, man of iron, but I will grant you this strange request. My brother's eyes are green."

"Oh Thor…" Natasha sighed understanding the complications this meant, and acknowledged the answer to Clint's question.

Steve patted the Asgardians shoulder in a comforting gesture. Thor still seemed oblivious and unable to grasp the situation. Captain America took it upon him to say what Thor needed to hear. "Blue eyes, Thor. When we fought with him his eyes were always more blue than green."

Realisation sunk in like a brick. At the same moment, Loki's eyes shot open wide in horror, the unnatural-blue hue of his iris now clear for Thor to witness. Pain and grief ran over the dark-haired, younger god's face and a loud, terrifying scream that chilled everyone's bones broke free from his thin pale lips. His body convulsed and twitched as if the Asgardian was having a painful seizure and they all went deadly silent that moment. There was nothing The Avengers could do but stand by and hope for the best possible outcome while fearing the worst.

Thor took his hurt little brother in his arms, cradling him in a hug while trying to hold him still so that Loki could not harm himself by accident. Although, the screaming told him that there was no way he would come unscathed from this. Loki had tried to warn him only a few moments ago in the heat of battle, telling him that the tesseract had a different influence on everybody. He remembered looking into green-shaded eyes as those words were spoken, that turned into ocean-blue before he was stabbed with a sharpened dagger. He had failed to look behind the façade; he had failed to bring home his beloved little brother.

The rest of The Avengers stood by powerless. Then somebody gasped as Loki's glowing eyes turned a bloodshot-red.

Thor was oblivious to this change of eye colour, but he did feel a shift in Loki's demeanour. His body stopped the violent convulsion and seemed to relax more in his brother's arms. Thor disregarded the chill in the air along with Loki's cool skin as he ran a gentle hand through long black hair as if he was trying to comfort the other still silent god.

"Come home, brother." He whispered in Loki's ear, desperately hoping for a response.

A faint soft whisper cut the silence in the air gaining everyone's immediate attention.

"Is it over…brother?"

Bright, vivid-green peered out from under long black lashes, taking in his surroundings. They all stared at him, these dressed up Midgardians that called themselves The Avengers. The comforting hold of his elder brother lessened and distance was put between them. Thor's hand rested on his brother's shoulders keeping him at arm's length. Stormy eyes looked back at him, inspecting his face. Loki's question remained unanswered and hesitantly he asked another one for which he feared the answer more.

"Do you forgive me, brother?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i do not own The Avengers


	5. slumber

Loki knew that real forgiveness was hard to come by like no other living being. All these decades of mistrust and tricks had made gaining it difficult. He was so late in realising that no matter what mischief he had done in those hundreds of years, Thor was always there carrying a kind word for him. So many times had he betrayed or misused the trust the other had placed in him, and all the countless times Thor had forgiven him for those actions. It would take a human lifespan to count them all. This time was an exception, this was the very first time Loki asked with pure honesty for forgiveness, hoping it was not too late.

Thor's lips remained perfectly sealed and silent, as if testing the patience Loki had. The green-eyed god did not mind this waiting, for it meant that there was still a possibility for a positive answer to be given. Deep pools of unreadable blue amidst a battle-worn face scanned him, looking for evidence or traces of guilt. Loki hoped that the other Asgardian would find what he was looking for. Eventually the elder Asgardian visibly relaxed and let out a long breath, the hard lines on the familiar face looking at him softened, slowly spreading a warm smile. Loki recognised Thor's characteristic broad and goofy smile. And instantly he knew, that whatever damage he had caused, all was forgiven by the owner of stormy-blue eyes and wide smiles.

The others witnessed the fall of tensions residing in the air as Thor's wide smile broke out in a sudden loud, full, and joy-filled laugh. Long thick arms instantly wrapped around the slimmer god in a tight, inescapable, but harmless hug.

"You came home." Thor stated, nothing but truth, sincerity, and love resounding in his voice.

Loki could not help it, a small kindness-filled smile crossed his face. It was not fake nor an illusion, but very real and honest.

"Yes Thor, I am home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter you guys, but i'm already working on the next one!
> 
> I just want to thank every reader, follower and favoriter.
> 
> Don't forget to leave a review, those things are food for the soul
> 
> And a big thanks to TracicGuardian who beta'd everything so far, and was kind enough to explain the finer use of grammar to me.


	6. gorgeous nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i do not own marvel

Thor gave him a big and strong hug and it felt as if every puff of air was squeezed out of him.

"Thor…" Of course no reaction or release was given, the lean black-haired god rolled his eyes. "Thor, unhand me." The broad-shouldered Asgardian still held him in his strong embrace, in fact he made it even worse by standing up and lifting a pale-faced Loki into the air. The eldest of them both had done this often in the past, much to Loki's embarrassment, mostly in front of others. Not that he minded this sign of certain affection, it was the fact that he always looked like an idiot in Thor's hold. The man did not understand how to hold a person properly, and right now the green-eyed god was more or less dangling in the air like a rag doll, the tips of his feet just an inch away from secure footing. "Unhand me you big Oaf!" A snort came from behind him where the other Avengers stood watching the two Asgardians reunite. Surely they did not think he Loki was harmless now, it was true that his actions on Midgard lay beyond his current control. But he was still the god of chaos, mischief and lies, a force to be reckoned with. "Do not mock me mortals!" The first one to laugh out loud, unexpectedly, was Natasha Romanoff. Greatly displeased with this turn of events he tried to glare at her, only to notice he could not turn his head enough due to Thor's hold on him. And sadly his magic was drained to the point of depletion, otherwise he would have simply created a perfect copy behind the group of Midgardians. Since it was clear that his release would not come with reasonable argument on his behalf, he used the magic words that always worked. "Stop it, you are hurting me." The firm grasp loosened, and with gentle care he was lowered to the ground. Softly Loki sighed, feeling the ground touch his feet again.

"Sorry brother." Thor said, apologetic.

"Shit I can't watch this anymore, it's sickeningly sweet." Tony exclaimed loudly. "Bunch of saps."

"I think it's kind of cute, how brotherly they both really are." Steve nodded in agreement to Natasha's words.

"I swear on the roots of Yggdrasil, I will take my swift vengeance for being called cute!" These Midgardians sure had guts, they surely must have known how dangerous it can be to insult gods. A hand squeezed his shoulder gaining his attention.

"They mean well my brother, treat them as I do, like equals and friends in battle."

Loki knew what they meant towards his "brother", friends, the older Asgardian had always made them with ridiculous ease. This being a different realm did not matter, for he was still the odd one out. "Come I shall introduce you!" Thor said with loud enthusiasm, giving Loki a push in the direction of the other Avengers. "Friends! This is my brother Loki."

"I thought you said he was adopted?" Thor knew that they held no boundaries in blood between them, no real reason anymore for Thor to call him his younger brother. Loki wondered if the man knew of his true ancestry, his deep frozen heritage. Would the blond Asgardian back off at the sight of his deep crimson jotun eyes?

"It matters not, he is still my brother, the bond we share is strong even without blood relations, Man of Iron." Why would Thor call his sibling any different than he was, it truly did not matter to him, if Loki was adopted or not.

"Ok, got it Pointbreak. Just remember to invite us to the wedding." Tony said with a grin on his face.

"I am not to be wed, your request makes no sense." Thor told the other Avenger in a deadly serious tone.

Tony Stark removes his faceplate and ran a hand along his face. "Just drop it Thor." He clapped his hands together. "So, shawarma anybody? Don't know about you guys but I'm starving." The moment Captain America became Steve Rogers could be heard, his voice changing from soldier, into a normal friendly tone.

"That might be your best idea yet Stark." Said the tall all all American hero, Steve rogers.

"What can I say, I'm a brilliant man, with a brilliant mind." The brown haired genius turned around and started the thrusters of his suit. "I am however changing into something more comfortable at the tower, there are other clean clothes if you guys need them, so yeah, orgy at my place everyone?"

"Huh?" Steve said while he picked up his vibranium shield.

"It's like having fondue Steve, but with a large group." The rest were already on their way, following his suggestion for clean clothing, most of them smelling like the back end of a sweaty pig. Being a superhero did have it's disadvantages after all. Steve ignored him, obviously embarrassed at his earlier comment, and probably wondering how many times he had to hear fondue jokes from him. Teasing the great Captain America was absolute fun. Thor and Loki were already gone, with just a simple swing of his hammer they arrived at the tower before the rest. Leaving Tony Stark and Steve Rogers to their bickering. With the rest of The Avengers inside the tower, Loki took this moment to go outside to the balcony and let his gaze survey the city beneath.

Smoke had cleared up and the sun was ablaze in the open blue sky, revealing every detail of damage done to New York city. He did not feel entirely guilty for being the cause of so much chaos and destruction, after all it was in his very nature that The Other had used and amplified. His love for trouble wherever he set his foot, his jealousy towards the humans for obtaining Thor's friendship and love with such ridiculous ease. Every detail had aided The Other in his control over the younger god. But never had he wished for such grave chaos on Midgard, not in the way he had wished it upon Jotunheim. Already he had accepted his frost giant heritage when he destroyed The Other. For having a gift so powerful, a way that enabled him to find release from that emotionally devastating torture could not be entirely wrong or horrid. Even with blue blood streaming in his lean body, he still remained Loki, god of lies and mischief, younger "brother" of Thor. His mind drifted to the other Asgardian, only now he realised that Thor had always been standing beside him, they both had been equals in the eyes of the thunder god. Such devotion was rare. He also had realized his hate towards the Jotun, was more than the simple hate against himself, his so-called father, or the giant that abandoned him as an infant. It was more than realizing he'd been a living lie, a chess piece on Odin's playground. No, it came from a lie he always told himself, one he had deemed as truth because the reality was absurd and difficult to bare.

He truly loved Thor.

"Brother, you are troubled?" And there he was, Asgard's victorious golden prince, their kind-hearted would-be king. A man more concerned with the troubles of his vigilante younger sibling, than those of his own people.

"Tell me Thor, what do you think of the Jotun now?" The thunder god's face was serious as he answered.

"I regret my brash actions caused by anger and hate. I also regret that they influenced you to repeat my mistake." He doesn't know what I am. The blond-haired Asgardian continued his explanation. "Reflecting back on what we saw on Jotunheim, there was no glory to gain. Once their castles of pure ice were strong, now all that remains there are ruins of what once was. Even Laufey looked weary on his throne. They are a race on the decline holding on to what is left. Perhaps if I was in their place I would have done the same, trying to retrieve the casket of ancient winters in order to restore former glory." Loki concluded that Thor had indeed changed from the young, radiant, and easily angered fool, to a wiser adult who thought before speaking, most of the time.

"Do you still think of them as monsters?"

"No."

And that was all there was to it. If Thor did not think of them as monsters anymore, than should the truth of his birth ever saw daylight he would think no less of Loki. The ever-accepting Asgardian would care for him in the same way he did now, even if he ended up with frostbite. And what lay heavy on his heart now should be said, before it turned him into the arms of insanity.

"I love you." Although the other god was battle-worn and weary, he smiled with renewed vitality.

"I love you too brother."

"No." Loki said. The smile Thor had already started to fade, confusion crossing his face. Truthful green eyes met stormy-blue ones, set in a face Loki had looked at for hundreds of years.

"I. Love. You. Thor." Loki made sure that the intonation of the word love was just right. There would be no misunderstanding his words once more. A Strange sense of nervous feelings accompanied by enthusiasm surfed through him, his body and mind, deciding what to do between laugh, cry, or simply hide until the silent storm blew over. Thor's face had surprise written all over it, and Loki could see in his blue orbs that he was processing the words of his younger "brother". Slowly, surprise shifted in a knowing look, an answer must have been formulated. Thor smiled.

"It took you long enough to realise Loki."

"You knew?"

"I'm not always the fool you take me for, I managed to see what you could not. All this time I was merely waiting for you to stop telling lies to yourself." Thor placed his forehead on Loki's, eyes still connected, and he gave his answer.

"I have always loved you Loki." Glorious joy spread a warm blanket around his heart, setting his tall cold body on fire. He felt like a bumbling fool for never seeing it, but now that he did he would never let this vision fade. Thor's eyes smiled at him knowingly before he closed them, placing a gently innocent kiss on Loki's lips.

_This is what happiness feels like._

Somewhere in the back of Loki's mind something stirred, awakened by this happiness. And laughter broke out, laughter only Loki could hear, laughter that send a painful shiver up his spine.

"You did not think you were rid of me now, did you?"

Unseen by Thor, a flash of cerulean-blue shot across his iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks goes out to me beta, who is always is providing nothing but excellent work.
> 
> Thanks goes out to all the readers, for having the patience to read.
> 
> Feel free to leave soul-food (reviews) for my brain!


	7. vicious trance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i do not own marvel.

The laugh that resounded in his head was joyous and filled with venomous insanity, and all for him to hear. The thing that moved in Thor's embrace was no longer him but something vile, evil, and filthy, something bound on giving the green-eyed god the torture it promised.

"Endless pain for now and forever, just like I told you, you puny excuse for a god." Oh, how he wanted to violently push Thor away, scream and shout in his ear that he was not in control of his actions, cry out in desperate plea for him to run. He wanted those stormy-blue eyes open, so that the blond Asgardian could see the vivid, disturbing cerulean-hue that shone in his eyes. His own pale, long-fingered hands reached for the slim, deadly curved daggers, hidden in the folds of his heavy leather garment. The steel was cold as his hands wrapped around the hilt and Loki felt absolute terror surge through him over what The Other would make him do. Inwardly he pleaded and prayed to the nine, hoping that somebody, anybody would hear it. But who would answer the prayer of a god?

The grip on the hilt of his dagger was firm, steady, and had deadly intent that was currently aimed for Thor. Loki could do nothing but stare and truly see the horror that was about to slowly unfold. Even worse, he felt everything around him, as if all the actions had been magnified. The sweet, pure kiss on his lips, Thor's breath on his face as he ended the careful embrace of their lips.

The blood streamed down the pale skin of his arm as the dagger skewered Thor's neck. The Other's cruel laughter faded into oblivion and Loki knew the worst was yet to come. Salty tears streamed down his face as the other Asgardian inhaled with a gurgling sound. Thor's eyes shot open, staring into Loki's emerald-green ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you faithful readers, followers and favoriters.
> 
> Feel feel to leave a review, to feed my brain.
> 
> And expect a new chapter in a few days, i'm working on it.
> 
> And last but not least, thanks goes out to my beta reader TragicGuardian.


	8. cruel vision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i do not own marvel

It was most foul and cruel of the creature known as The Other to let go of his hold on Loki the second Thor looked up in utter disbelief. For that thing ,The Other, it must have been a twisted joke, it was going to laugh about this torturous event, for all that rested of its miserable black life. For Loki it was nothing but pain, pain that would last forever, pain he could not run nor hide from. Those stormy blue eyes looked at him in disbelief and pain, the only thing they repeatedly asked was...

Why?

And Loki knew the answer was unbearably simple.

_Because I failed._

He was played the fool by that wretched creature, making him believe that he truly had dealt a deathly blow. And now the result was nothing short of disastrous as it played out in front of him, and again he was helpless to change it. His hands were bright red, coloured by the other Asgardian's, no, by his beloved's precious blood. No longer was there a future for them, even if Thor lived, he would forever curse Loki for betraying him.

And the green-eyed god could speak out the truth, tell him it was The Other who did so, ask him if Thor had not seen or noticed. He could shout out his innocence but would forever be ignored. For the last thing Thor had seen that moment were Loki's own pure green eyes, no trace of The Other in his mind for miles and miles.

The blood was spreading out slowly around him, dealing a final blow to their surroundings. Oh, he wished his brother lived, he wish Thor lived and lived long. But those handsome stormy-blue eyes were slowly closing.

"Brother." The blond Asgardian said with a soft, ragged voice before those eyes closed.

And Loki lost it.

A loud and frantic shriek resounded in the air, calling the immediate attention of The Avengers residing in the tower. Filled with an alarming hurry they raced toward the balcony where the inhuman sound originated from. The glorious warm rays of sun hid nothing from their eyes, gods could bleed, and their blood was as menacingly red as their own.

A green puff of smoke in the air revealed that Loki had vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is still an epilogue coming.
> 
> Did Thor die or not here? I'll leave that up to the imagination of my readers. I am positive you guys are grown-up enough to make those decisions in your mind.
> 
> As always i want to thank my patient beta, Tragicguardian
> 
> And of course thanks to the readers, who put up with my and my sad feels caused by the death of my cat.
> 
> Feel free to leave some brain nom noms ( aka a review)


	9. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i do not own marvel

There are always rifts and portals to the other realms, hidden in the solemn shadows of each planet, waiting to be discovered and used. They are small and extremely rare, seemingly unnoticeable and tiny little things, most not even bigger than the dust floating in air. Only a special limited few could detect them, and even then most could not ever dream of using them. For Loki this was different, magic coursed in his veins, magic twirled around in the air when he released his breaths. He could see them with nothing but absolute clarity, and besides noticing these tiny portals, he could see were they headed and opened.

And so he had fled all those days ago.

If he was not there for them to see, to draw out the unwanted attention of The Avengers towards himself. Than surely every drop of careful attention would go to Thor,leaving the Asgardian with the best of chances. Even Loki had to admit that these humans acquired good skills over the ages, good enough to heal a god.

A chance, that is all that he wanted for his beloved "brother".

So he sat here, looking in utter silence over wide expanses of frozen landscape that laid out before him. The icescape lacked any plant like vegetations, or the colours that came with those. Nothing but the purest of white, sullied by specks of harsh grey, and veins in every possible colour of blue. Yet mountains still stood proudly at the horizon, their sharp and rigid peaks piercing the shy above. Valley's stood in their midst, the snow white colour reflecting sunlight, in a way that would be painful for most eyes. And even in those desperate conditions, live was being lived. He was not the only being on this planet.

And the natural habitants had seen his as well, they made their presence know. Even if they could not be seen, Loki could sense their lingering presence nearby. Full eyes filled with the deep crimson-red of blood, set in ice scaled covered blue faces. Loki, who was dressed in the remnants of his battle garb, had magicked a hooded cloak, made from green leftovers from his old tattered cape. But no matter how covered or strange he looked, the Jotun could recognise one of their own.

After a few days spent on this forsaken planet, he felt their ever watchful stare fading. After all compared to them, he must have seemed like an impossible little thing, a pathetic excuse for a giant. So he was left, by all but one. And the loud old crackling voice of a Jotun elder, spoke up in his vicinity.

"Why are you here."

And in all fairness he answered. "For my heart to be frozen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this part of the story ends.
> 
> And another one begins.
> 
> Thank you patient readers, followers and favoriters, i will see you soon again.
> 
> Feel free to leave a review, they feed my creative will.
> 
> Thanks goes out to my beta Tragicguardian


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